


Lost In Translation

by Chryse73



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Classic Who, Comedy, Drabble, Fluff, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 21:48:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15470814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chryse73/pseuds/Chryse73
Summary: A bit of Team Five fluff written for who_contest Drabble Contest #62 - 'Wit'.Tegan tries to tell a joke.  It doesn't go well.





	Lost In Translation

**Author's Note:**

> Update - WINNER of the who_contest Drabble Contest #62 - 'Wit'! :)

“So,” said Tegan, an excited grin on her face, “Bruce and his pet kangaroo walk into a bar–“

Nyssa winced. “Oh dear, that must have hurt. Were they injured?”

The Australian woman looked at her in confusion, until she realised the TARDIS translation circuits must have made an unintentional error. Given that at any given time it had to instantly and simultaneously translate English into Gallifreyan, Trakenite _and_ Alzarian, she wondered that it didn’t happen more often.

“Not that kind of bar, Nyssa. A pub!” she laughed.

Adric frowned as he sat down next to Nyssa at the TARDIS’s kitchen table. “What’s a pub?”

“Didn’t they have pubs on Alzarius?” Tegan asked, stirring her tea with a quizzical expression.

“I think the inhabitants of the Starliner were more preoccupied with staying alive in the hostile ecosystem, Tegan,” the Doctor explained. “I imagine it didn’t leave a lot of time to construct buildings for the recreational consumption of alcohol.”

“Oh. Righto,” she replied, blushing. “Well, anyway, Bruce and his pet kangaroo went into this pub for a drink–“

“What’s a kangaroo?” Nyssa asked, innocently.

Tegan put her head in her hands. “Jeez! Um, ok - it’s an animal native to Australia. It’s not important to the joke, don’t worry about it. So anyway, Bruce and the kangaroo have a few drinks, and–“

“Amazing animal, the kangaroo,” the Doctor interrupted, putting a hand on Nyssa’s shoulder. “You’d find them a fascinating subject for study, Nyssa. They are the only large mammal on Earth to propel themselves by hopping, and female kangaroos can determine the gender of their offspring; they can even delay gestation when environmental factors are likely to diminish the chance of young surviving–“

“Doctor!” Tegan slammed her cup onto the table, a familiar look of exasperation on her face. 

“Tegan?”

“I am _trying_ to tell a joke here?”

“Right you are. Apologies - do carry on.”

Tegan took a deep breath. “Right. So Bruce and his kangaroo have a few drinks. And then a few more. And by the end of the night–“

“Isn’t it a little irresponsible to serve alcoholic beverages to an animal?” Adric asked, frowning.

Tegan closed her eyes in a supreme effort to keep her temper. “ _And by the end of the night,_ ” she said through gritted teeth, “the kangaroo had passed out on the floor.”

“See?” said Adric, “Irresponsible!”

“So Bruce gets up and staggers to the door,” growled Tegan, ignoring him, “and the barman says: ‘Hey, mate, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!’”

“Quite right!” exclaimed the Doctor, “It’s a trip hazard, for one thing!”

“FOR CRIPES SAKE, PUT A SOCK IN IT!”

Three shocked alien faces stared back at Tegan as silence fell across the kitchen. She took her chance.

“And Bruce said: ‘It’s not a _lion_ , it’s a _kangaroo!_ ’”

The punchline hung in the silence. Time seemed to expand, the impenetrable quiet untroubled by laughter as ice ages came and went. Finally someone spoke.

“What’s a lion?” asked Adric.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************ 

Nyssa chuckled quietly as she swept up the fragments of shattered teacup from under the table, as the Doctor cheerily sponged the brown stains from the front of his coat, and a smiling Adric wiped Darjeeling from the walls. 

“So, how long do you think we can keep this up?” asked Adric.

“What, winding Tegan up with the ‘dumb alien’ act?” the Doctor replied. “Well, I don’t know…”

“How long do Alzarians live?”


End file.
